Happy Earth Day!

I found this amazing resource (pictured below) that is a perfect activity to do with your child....it combines mindfulness, gratitude, and the outdoors and does NOT require any special materials or other people. Perfect for social distancing!  Win-win!

Get outside today and enjoy this scavenger hunt.  (Edited to add that in the event that you are quarantined inside, you can still participate in the scavenger hunt-- see what you can find in your home and by looking out a window!)

I hope everyone is hanging in.  I feel like, in my house anyway, there is some sort of grief process happening with all of us, but especially with my child.  It changes with every new development about shelter-in-place requirements and confirms my suspicions that one of the toughest things to deal with from a mental health perspective is the not knowing.  We can't wrap are heads around and process what we don't know!  This leaves us in a perpetual state of uncertainty which can manifest into anxiety.

I believe that mindfulness is the antidote.  Be here now.  Hopefully this activity will help us to focus on the present, ground us a little, get us outside and let us breathe deep and show gratitude for all that we have.  Happy Earth Day!

Lean On Me

My goodness, I had no intention of going so long without an update. Unfortunately, my little has had SIX anxiety/panic attacks in the last few weeks, but these have calmed down considerably.  We attribute the calm to a lot of guided meditation (thank you, Yoga With Adriene), taking a small dose of melatonin at night, and being in virtual contact with friends.

If you are on facebook (and you probably are), I highly recommend downloading facebook messenger for kids.  It functions through your facebook account, so you have access to it 100% of the time and you decide/approve the kids with whom your child can connect.  The kids are able to form their own mini-groups, and my son has had such a great time creating games with his friends to play together (their own versions of pictionary, quiz games, etc).  They have a standing daily video call, and I think it really lifts his spirits, allows him to feel connected, and gets his mind off of the stress of this new kind of living.

The other day I saw a meme that alluded to how "really screwed" we all will be in twenty years when our kids, having gone through being schooled at home by a bunch of day drinkers, will be the ones running the country.  Funny!  But not necessarily so.  On the contrary, I believe the inverse:  while this is a horrible set of circumstances, lives are being lost and the world is in a perpetual state of grief and mourning, our kids are being forced to let go.  To slow down.  To reconnect with nature.  To gain a true understanding of supporting each other as members of our communities.  They are learning what it means to have and to keep the faith.  They now know the importance of being a neighbor and of helping each other.

We lost the soul legend Bill Withers this week.  As a West Virginian, I have always fostered a sense of pride from our favorite son.  Play "Lean On Me" for your kids and yourself this week, and take care.

Control and Anxiety

Here at Little Sailor HQ, we had our first panic episode last night. Historically, these have only happened when Dad is out of town, and the littlest sailor feels scared having "just us" in the house.  Last night, however, we were all under the same roof, but the littlest was not fully recovered from an earlier incident in the day involving our dog snapping his collar and getting off of his leash.  After this little jaunt, all went back to normal, or so I thought.

Come bedtime, when the littlest was trying to sleep, many of these helpless feelings came rushing back.  It took lots of time, lots of grounding exercises, lots of drinks of water, trips to the bathroom and talking it out for him to get settled and, thankfully, go to sleep.  This morning, I spent some time thinking of the concept of fear, the Locus of Control and how this relates to anxiety.  Here is a brief explanation of the Locus of Control, but in a nutshell:  we tend to view events and our existence in the world with either an internal locus of control (we have control over what happens to us and how we react) or an external locus of control (as events happen to us they are out of our control), and for some of us, these views can and do change with our circumstances.

My son generally has a pretty solid internal locus of control, until anxiety creeps in and logical thinking is replaced with panic.  In the light of day, we talked about what is currently worrying him, and discussed what we can control and what we cannot.  This was incredibly helpful and empowering for him, and I encourage you all to try it if your kids (or YOU) feel overwhelmed by a loss of control.
This can be easily done by drawing a circle labelled "things I can control", while labeling the space outside of the circle "things I cannot control" or "things that are out of my control".  Here is an example of one of the many graphics available online:

What feels currently out of our control?  Rate of transmission on Covid-19.  When we will be out of quarantine.  Knowing who is sick, who will get sick, if our relatives will get sick.

What can we control?  How we treat each other.  What we do with our time.  What types of foods we choose to eat.  How much screen time we get.  How much we exercise.  Choosing to get in touch with our family via texts, emails, FaceTime, letters.  How much we sleep.  How we take care of our pets.

So many things we can control!   Most importantly, we get to control how we react to what is happening around us.  This was a big lesson for my little.  I hope it can helps yours!

Take Your Time

As a mom to a child in the public school system as well as being smack in the middle of my school counseling internship, I have been on the receiving end of lots of communication regarding implementing online instruction;  lots of concern from these incredible teachers and administrators on how to support learning, how to provide materials that are positive, etc. I'm reminded again that I am incredibly lucky to have these people as a part of my son's education as well as my own.

As everyone is trying to stay a step ahead of getting school in place (including myself-- more guilty of this than most, I'm sure).....I was reminded by my experienced and intuitive supervisor that we all need to take some time.  Families need to take some time to acclimate.  To accept our new (if temporary) reality.  To "self-identify" what this means to us personally, what our reactions to this crisis say about who we are.  To serve our most basic needs first.

All of these needs must be met  before "school" is implemented in a way where meaningful "classroom" activity can be continued from where we left off and built upon.  It goes back to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:  We have to make sure these basic needs are taken care of before we can get to the top.

Thank you to my supervisor, Dave, (again) for your wisdom and your insight.  And thank you to all of the wonderful families making sure the needs of themselves and their children are met.  If and when you feel overwhelmed, take a step back, give yourself some space to think about your own needs, and above all-- NO PRESSURE!  Our kids, in the words of John Holt ("Unschooling" pioneer) are "learning all the time".  He maintains that "learning is as natural as breathing".  In other words:  you gots this.

Conflict Resolution Skills

I Messages-- so simple, so important.

An I-Message has three (sometimes four) parts-- brilliant in their simplicity and impossible to argue with.  We can certainly argue over "what happened" or "who did what", but we can't argue our way out of how somebody feels.

Also, the beauty of the I-Message is that, while it holds us accountable for our actions, it does not send the message that "you MADE ME feel this way!"; rather, this is how I feel when this action occurs and this is what I need.

ALL THAT TO SAY-- here's a simple I-Message
template:

I feel______________________
When you__________________
(Optional: Because___________)
Could you please _____________

That's it.

And in response, a Listening Message:

You feel___________________
When I ___________________
(Optional: Because__________
You would like_____________


Seriously, imagine if for a moment our world leaders communicated in I-Messages.  Ah, what a wonderful world it would be (and here I said I wouldn't get political)!  I find comfort in knowing that we are raising the next generation of world leaders RIGHT NOW!  How amazing that we get the opportunity to teach them these important skills.

                                                                         

  

Some Mindfulness Activities to Quell Anxiety

Grounding is a classic method for calming anxiety that works with young children and adults alike.  It can be done in a couple of ways:  one is as shown in the graphic to the left.  Another is to find just one of each of these items (one thing to see, one thing to touch, etc).  Grounding should start with putting your feet flat on the floor and taking deep breaths.

If you are looking for a crafty activity to do together, I recommend making a mindfulness box. Items to include should center around the five senses and may consist of things like a smooth river rock to touch, an essential oil (like lavender), some mints, a stress ball, a beautiful and inspiring photo...let your imagination run wild! A mindfulness box can be kept in your child's room and they can take out the items whenever they're feeling stressed.

Another excellent activity is to do some calm, measured, deep breathing.  Following the Figure 8 (which you can find online or just quickly draw yourself) allows you to slow down your breathing with a visual.  Similarly, try taking deep breaths as you trace with your finger of your dominant hand through the fingers of your non-dominant hand.  Again, the idea is to slow down your breathing while focusing on a visual.




A great way for kids to talk about their anxiety is to identify where in their body they are feeling their feelings.  Ask your kid(s) to color in where they are stressed, nervous, angry, calm, excited, etc using a different color for each feeling.  This can also provide an excellent conversation starter about feelings and what we can do with our feelings (take deep breaths, meditate on sending healing light to these parts of our body, and try to change our negative thought patterns).  

Be The Helper!

Mr. Rogers wisely tells us to "look to the helpers" in our times of need.  Another way to find comfort is to put into action whatever it is that we can offer.  Here is a list of ideas for "being the helper" in difficult times:

1. Reach out to loved ones and friends via FaceTime!  Nothing cheers up an older relative or friend more than seeing a child's shining face.

2. Text elderly neighbors (or any neighbor) and do a little check-in.  Do they need anything?  Can you bring them something, even just to leave on their doorstep?

3. Get Cooking.  Make a big batch of soup or bake up something delicious and share the bounty with a porch drop off.

4. Play Ding Dong Ditch!   Drop off a surprise to a friend, ring the doorbell, and run!  Or, do a digital ding dong ditch via text: "there's a surprise on your doorstep!  Love, me."

5. Set out a little free library or toy store.  I bet there are some kids younger than yours who would love some new-to-them books and toys.

6. Write a Letter.  How long has it been since you or your child have written a letter to someone you love?

7. Set up a scavenger hunt!  Our neighborhood is in the midst of a Shamrock Hunt-- it's been fun to hop into the car and hunt for pictures of shamrocks in the windows of our neighbors and on telephone poles and porches.  more info here

8. Be a maker.  Make a craft item or other work of art for someone.  Take the time to learn something new or finish a project.

9. Give.  If you are able, make an online donation to someone in need.  Compassion is one of the greatest gifts we have to gain from a crisis.

10.  Be loving and kind to your family.  Taking a moment before we react is one of the most powerful actions that we can take with each other.